Reflection of a sunset in Galway, Ireland.
Something weird happened. Last week I had some free time and my crazy mood, so I decided to make some funny pictures of myself. They weren’t actually all that bad, but I left them in my computer and last night I decided to submit one on deviantART. No problem. But today I logged in and two guys wrote me how gorgeous I look and they want to get to know me better. Don’t get me wrong I am flattered, but this has never happened before – I rarely get compliments in real life and almost never on the Internet. True enough I usually don’t like posting my pictures, but anyway…
And neither am I the girl who wants to hear how lovely she looks all the time. To be honest I think those girls, who post new photo on facebook every day and wait to be assured that they are still beautiful, are weird.
Well, but since the picture is having so much success I’m gonna share it with you and you can see for yourself if those guys are out of their minds or if it’s all the people around me who never pay compliments to me.
And I don’t even think that person on the photo looks like me. But well, it’s me.
I’d say I’m sorry for abandoning this blog for so long, but I’m not, I just wasn’t in the mood for it. I’m not in the mood now either, but I feel like writing something.
I’ve got an awful headache past few days, I keep thinking about life and love, I smile but I don’t feel like it. I wouldn’t call my state depression, I just find it difficult to be truly happy. Maybe it has something to do with the fact, that I can’t fall asleep before midnight and even then it’s with some difficulties. I’m ready to do ten things at once and then I suddenly feel like not doing anything at all. There are times I want to cry so much, but I can’t make myself.
I’ve never been this moody before. It’s like there’s this creature inside me and it’s doing things to me. It’s eating me from the inside. It’s hard to explain and not sound like a very crazy person. At least I’ve still my dearest All-American Rejects. I know most of their songs by heart now, but their charm still works and I can’t stop listening to it. I actually gave a try today, I turned on different band, but after three or four songs I had to stop it. There wasn’t the sense that they’re talking to me which I’ve got when listening to AAR.
School is still surprisingly good. It’s just… the same all the time. I feel I need some change. Like get different timetable every week. I know, it’s crazy, but doing the same things week after week is something I forgot and sometimes (but only sometimes) it’s so hard. I feel like my life’s grey instead of green which it used to be.
Well, maybe you’ll hear from me soon, maybe not… I’m making no promises. Have fun.
It’s fun that I’m writing this today, because it’s their tenth anniversary if I may call it that – they’re together for incredible ten years. I wanted to continue with the sentence that it’s been ten days I’m listening to them, but it wouldn’t be true. I know this group for a long time, listening to their songs, but never more than to songs from other groups. But last week something changed.
I was really tired from the day I spent at the school, felt like it’s too much for me. And in this mood I turned on Gives You Hell. I don’t know what happened, but it was just the perfect song for the moment. I listened to it again and again completely confused that I didn’t see the geniality of this song much earlier. I spent the next day repeating over and over the lyrics in my head (since I can’t think that’s the only thing I have left). Especially in my morning English class with this teacher I really don’t like. I was just sitting there, smiling (she wants us to smile!) and inside my head I was all like “When you see my face I hope it gives you hell.” I can’t even tell you how much better I felt.
When I came home the next day I decided to listen to something else than Gives You Hell. It’s not like I didn’t know any other AAR songs, I did, but honestly not many of them, just the really famous ones. Well, to make long (and boring) story short, I know most of their songs by heart now, I keep listening to them for a week. And when I say to them I mean only them, I haven’t heard song from other band this long (maybe I did on a radio somewhere, but definitely not on purpose).
I don’t think it’s that long since I wrote here how I miss some passion in my life. Well maybe I just found it. I blame Tyson’s blue eyes, but it’s not just that, there’s something in their songs I can relate to, something that talks to me. That’s why I love them. And because they’re funny and Tyson’s got those lovely blue eyes.
I wanted to pick one song and put it here, but it’s so hard. After long thinking I chose Beekeeper’s Daughter.
The College turned out to be too much tiresome. And very demanding. Most of my free time I spent with books, but it’s not like I’m honest student who wants to know everything. No, I have to read those books. Let me see – there’s one book every week for History of English Literature (actually our teacher was so kind to divide Great Expectations in two weeks) – I have to have that finished by Tuesday evening and write a feedback on that. Then there’s Introduction to Literature Studies where I have to read some very clever (and very hard to understand) study about stuff – I just finished something about metaphores. On Friday there’s Introduction to Linguistics and reading certain chapters from our textbook – not as fun as it sounds. And I can’t forget the Czech Literature of 19th century – luckily we have to read only some poems (not too bad if I was able to find meaning in them).
It might not seem too bad, but considering I’ve hardly got time for reading on Wednesdays and weekends, it doesn’t leave me much time. And I can’t forget about the other “homeworks” as transcription of an Eglish text, translation of two pages from chosen book and practising the phonetics. And there’s always eating and sleeping. So, possible future students, save yourself while you can, don’t go studying, run away as fast as you can!
No, just kidding. Sometimes I feel it’s too much, but still I like my college and wouldn’t change it.
This is what keeps me going: